Sunday, June 15, 2008

Grace on Father's Day

It's Fathers Day and since the best dad I know is my sweet husband and since he is the best evidence of grace in my life besides salvation, I have been thinking a lot about grace lately. I don't know how I came to be so blessed with this guy. He has filled my home with joy and music, given my boys a role model, loved us all unconditionally, stood by my side through things I can't imagine loving someone through, fought for the dignity of our children who died before birth, encouraged me in all of my crazy ideas (lets just say home schooling is one of the more normal ones), and a million other impossibly grand things and amazingly mundane things that have made my life so much better. But if I had to tell anyone how to meet and marry a guy like him, I don't know what I'd say. I don't have a list or even really a general idea. We were talking about it last night and this is what I came up with:

Well, first you see a guy walk into church, think he's cute and convince a mutual friend to invite him to a prayer group. Then, after you get to know him, attempt suicide and refuse to see a counselor so he has to call you everyday to see if you've made the appointment yet. Once you've done that, it's time to start dating! If possible find someone who has a completely opposite fighting style. He should still be in school as a Jazz Studies major, playing gigs several nights a week, with no real idea what he wants to be when he grows up. A few months later, engagement will seem like a great idea and you should get married as quickly as possible with a lot of drama.

See what I mean? We were a mess collectively and should have destroyed each other sometime around year 2. But it's been almost 16 years and I still think he's the coolest person I know.

I look at the bible though, and that's what God does best. He takes complete disasters of lives and makes them our forefathers of faith. How do you become the father of our faith? Well first you don't have babies until you're really really old, then you get your wife's maidservant pregnant, then you lie and say your wife is really your sister to avoid trouble. How do you start a people for the Lord? You trick your dad into giving you your brother's blessing, fight with an angel, and marry your sister in law first. How do you end up as the one God uses to save a people from starvation? Brag about a dream, get sold into slavery, end up in jail for a crime you didn't commit and be forgotten there. What about if you want to lead your people out of slavery? Oh well then you have to be put into a basket as an infant to avoid being killed at birth, brought up by a heathen, kill someone in anger, and end up talking to a burning bush in the middle of no where.

I could keep on going, but you get the idea. And that's just in the first couple of books of the bible. The thing is, God loves taking what is ugly and useless and making it holy. Sort of the ultimate recycling program. Joel 2:25 "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,". My life is proof of this. The father of my children is proof of this. I've worked hard to be a good steward of what I was given, but I have no idea how I got it in the first place. Oh wait, yeah I do,


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Game

I got this fun game from Karin at Sum of Mum

The concept:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name

1. Golden Sunset in Tracy Arm, Alaska, 2. "I, PiĆ³rko, like Cheese!", 3. Arlington High School.jpg, 4. blue daisy, 5. Steve Burns, 6. La Margarita de Applebees, 7. Down Under, 8. Key lime pie, 9. Untitled, 10. Plus haut, 11. A big bloody Samoan storm that turned gay!, 12. i surrender!

Lots of fun. My answers were: Tracy, cheese, Arlington High, blue, Steve Burns, margarita, Australia, key lime pie, midwife, Jesus, strong, r_n_lsmom

Edited to add:
I think the best part of this game was that the pic of the high school is ACTUALLY my high school. The one I went to. I was a little surprised too, at what came up when I typed the words in. I loved the pictures that came up for Jesus, strong, and midwife. I didn't like the title for the strong pic, but loved the pic. It represented so much of what I was going for, strength through storms, hope, promises of But the stupid title.....sheesh.

If you give The Game a try, let me know, I wanna see your mosaic!

Friday, June 6, 2008

First post

My very own place to say all the stuff I want to say! The title comes from the fact that so often in my life I realize how very like a 2yo I am, or need to be. I have had many many great spiritual truths revealed to me in the behavior of my children. It's one of the coolest parts of being a parent. And the hardest.

One of the times I was confronted with a behavior I could do well to imitate in my 2yo came from my son Asher. He was happily beating my kitchen table with a spoon. I asked him to stop, but although he had paused to consider my request, he started again. I asked him, "I need you to stop, do you need some help obeying." I have asked all my kids this, most of the time they say no and either choose to obey or not. Asher looked at me, looked at his spoon, very sadly said, "yes, I need help." and handed me the spoon. I remember thinking, wow.....what would my life look like if I did that with my heavenly Father. What if instead of either hiding my sin or pretending it's not as bad as it is or that I can totally handle it, I just said, "I can't possibly stop on my own, I need you to help." and handed it to Him?

I also frequently am confronted with my own behavior towards God. One of my sweet boys had such a bad diaper rash and had come to me with a poopy diaper asking to be changed. I started to change him, but he then realized it was going to hurt and started backing away saying no, no I don't have poop, I'm ok, really(in 2yo talk). I had to change my boy anyway, I couldn't leave him in his own mess, and it hurt both him and me to get it done. Afterwards, he sat in my lap crying, but refused to let me put my arms around him and truly comfort him. He wanted to be with me because I am a source of comfort, but he was still mad I had caused him pain. Then he got up and thanked me for changing him. How many times have I done that? I go to God, literally smelling of my sin and really wanting change and yet when He gets to going on it, I back away, saying it's fine, I'm good, no thanks, it's gonna hurt. I mean, I know it's gonna hurt to leave it, it's actually going to make it worse to leave it, but I'm ok with that. I just don't want the pain it'll take to change it. But He's not just gonna leave me in my own mess, now that I've brought it to Him, it's gotta change. Then I get mad, really mad that it hurt and don't want Him to comfort me cause after all, HE'S the one that did it. And usually, some time down the road (sometimes YEARS down the road), I'm able to thank Him for that change. Please let me always be thankful for that change.

So that's why this is my life as a two year old. I am a two year old mad cause I don't get my own way, confused because I don't understand the basics, distracted easily by pretty stuff, lost in my own world, and hopefully, never far from my Father.